Q&A with #SetTheExpectation Founder Brenda Tracy
By Julia Halprin Jackson
As painful as it is to recall鈥攁nd in some ways, relive鈥攈er personal trauma, when Brenda Tracy began sharing her story with college football teams and coaches across the nation, she discovered opportunities to encourage a proactive dialogue about sexual violence. Though she struggled in silence for nearly 20 years while working as a nurse and raising two sons, Tracy鈥檚 decision to go public with her story in 2014 transformed the way she viewed sexual assault, collegiate sports and ultimately gender politics on college campuses and beyond.
What started as an effort to educate evolved into the Set the Expectation campaign, in which she works with coaches and educators to set an expectation of accountability and respect on the field and off. She created a Set the Expectation pledge that student-athletes can sign to show their solidarity with survivors of violence and demonstrate their commitment to the movement. In 2017, Brenda Tracy traveled to Indianapolis to present a requesting that the organization ban violent athletes from participating in college sports. That same day, the NCAA鈥檚 Board of Governors voted to convene the Commission to Combat Sexual Violence鈥攁 huge step toward changing the conversation about sexual violence in sport.
Tracy鈥檚 visit to San Jose State鈥檚 football and basketball teams on March 13 coincides with the Words to Action: Gender, Sport and Society, a town hall hosted by the Institute for the Study of Sport, Society and Social Change.
What did you hope to accomplish by meeting with 无忧短视频鈥檚 basketball and football teams?
Number one, I try to humanize this issue and make it personal for them, which is why I share my story in very graphic detail. And the other goal is gaining buy-in, inspiring them to want to get involved. If that means they want to sign the Set the Expectation pledge, great. If that means they want to attend Take Back the Night, then that鈥檚 fine. I want them to recognize their power, as men, as students, as football and basketball players, understanding that their voice and their presence matters. I am trying to engage them and inspire them to get active. That鈥檚 what I try to do everywhere I go.
What has surprised you about sharing this campaign across the country?
One of the biggest lessons I鈥檝e learned is that people want change. I really do believe that. Our young men want to get involved. They just haven鈥檛 really been invited to the discussion. A lot of times young men feel talked at and told what not to do. 鈥淪top raping,鈥濃�漵top this,鈥� 鈥測ou鈥檙e the problem.鈥� But nobody鈥檚 really come to them and said, 鈥測ou are also the solution. Let鈥檚 work together.鈥�
A lot of guys think, why is this my problem? You have to get them to the point where they say 鈥渢his is my problem, and this is why it is my problem.鈥� If women could stop sexual violence, they would have already done it. If the 10 percent of men who are perpetrating these crimes aren鈥檛 going to stop it, who does that leave? The 90 percent.
We are reaching more of the 90 percent and helping them understand why this is their issue. This is what gives me the most hope.
What impact has sharing your personal story had on your campaign鈥檚 message?
My decision to be really honest and detailed about what has happened to me is probably why I鈥檝e had success. If I say to you, 鈥淚 was gang raped by four men for six hours,鈥� I don鈥檛 know what that means to you. Most likely, if I just said that you would somehow sugarcoat it in your mind to make it comfortable to you, to deal with it. But if I tell you exactly what happened to me that night, in very graphic detail, you can鈥檛 escape it and you can鈥檛 sugarcoat it. You have to see me as the victim that I am. And as I go on with my story, you also have to see me as a survivor. Hopefully that translates into seeing other survivors. For me, I need you to be uncomfortable because this is uncomfortable. It鈥檚 uncomfortable for me and it鈥檚 uncomfortable for every survivor.
It鈥檚 only when we鈥檙e uncomfortable and mad that we are called to action. I have to upset you. And I intentionally try to get you to squirm in your seat. I try to make you cry. I want you to be uncomfortable with my story because then you鈥檒l want to get involved and to be part of a solution.
What message do you have for fellow survivors of sexual assault?
I always say to them: I believe you. It鈥檚 not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Getting rid of the blame and the shame is probably the most important thing that you can do. I have asked myself: Why did I drink? Why did I go there? Why didn鈥檛 I make sure my boyfriend was with me? Why didn鈥檛 I choose a better friend? By doing this, I am taking the weight of the accountability off the perpetrator and putting it on myself, which is what most survivors do. Society blames us too. Victim blaming is a huge problem.
But there鈥檚 an exercise I do where I say, 鈥渟hould rape be a consequence of 鈥︹�� and I fill in the blank. Should rape be a consequence of drinking? And I just remind myself: no, it shouldn鈥檛 be. Should rape be a consequence for not having my boyfriend with me? No, it should not. Also, any time I hear another person blaming a survivor, 鈥渨ell, she was told she shouldn鈥檛 have gone there,鈥� I ask: Well, should rape be a consequence of being told not to go somewhere and going anyway? No.
It鈥檚 been a really invaluable little exercise that I use for myself and have taught other survivors to do because it鈥檚 a conscious way to retrain our brain and push back on our negative inner dialogue. The exercise is also for people trying to combat victim blaming in society, which can be very difficult. It鈥檚 an easy way to shut down that conversation鈥攁nd it can be very empowering.
How do you feel about participating in the Words to Action town hall at 无忧短视频?
When I came forward with my story three years ago, I had no idea that I would be doing this work. All of this kind of happened by accident. Getting to sit down with Nancy Hogshead-Makar and have this conversation at San Jose State, where there are all these amazing people, is a real honor and a privilege for me.
There are so many survivors and I don鈥檛 see a lot of us. Representation matters. My hope is that through my work and by participating in this event I can help to create space for more voices of all different races, religions, ages and backgrounds. Sexual violence does not discriminate. Anyone can be a victim. I really am grateful to participate in the town hall because these types of events are going to inspire more events and more survivors to be able to have a place to use their voices to create change.
Learn more about Tracy鈥檚 Set the Expectation campaign: .
March 14, 2018
